Thursday, October 31, 2013
In the spirit of the playfulness that children display on Halloween I am happy to report a very encouraging development that occurred yesterday after my workout in the basement of the Wasie building. After lifting weights and completing some physical therapy I went to take a shower. The shower in the locker room was equipped with a removable shower head. As I was washing off my thighs I noticed the stream of water was making a linear pattern in the hair on my thighs. I started playing with the water and repeatedly made funny patterns on my legs. Yes, I actually had a moment in which I was playing in a carefree way. I was completely enjoying the moment.
That I was able to completely lose myself in this mundane moment is great evidence that I am continuing to improve. Having sufficient psychological and physical space to play as a child was a challenge for me; the anxiety I felt much of the time (which I was typically not even consciously aware of) frequently undermined my feelings of joy. Play was too much a luxury when I was growing up. I was fortunate to have boy friends in the neighborhood I could play with. But my immediate environment during some of the most formative years of my life was often so anxiety inducing. It's sad when children miss out on fun.
The good news is that I did not suffer any permanent damage. I still have the capacity to play and pursue a variety of interests. And now, as I finally do more intensive therapy to address the dark moments and stretches of my childhood, I am finding myself able to find the strength and ease to cast off an overly serious veneer and allow myself to have some genuine fun.
Today I submitted a medical opinion form I completed with the assistance of my therapist during our session yesterday. I am now determined to be able to work forty hours a week again though there are some limitations. I am moving in a new career direction now and am excited by the possibilities that await me!
I am going out to celebrate Halloween tonight and give myself some quality time to celebrate. I'm going to make more time for play in my life.
In the spirit of the playfulness that children display on Halloween I am happy to report a very encouraging development that occurred yesterday after my workout in the basement of the Wasie building. After lifting weights and completing some physical therapy I went to take a shower. The shower in the locker room was equipped with a removable shower head. As I was washing off my thighs I noticed the stream of water was making a linear pattern in the hair on my thighs. I started playing with the water and repeatedly made funny patterns on my legs. Yes, I actually had a moment in which I was playing in a carefree way. I was completely enjoying the moment.
That I was able to completely lose myself in this mundane moment is great evidence that I am continuing to improve. Having sufficient psychological and physical space to play as a child was a challenge for me; the anxiety I felt much of the time (which I was typically not even consciously aware of) frequently undermined my feelings of joy. Play was too much a luxury when I was growing up. I was fortunate to have boy friends in the neighborhood I could play with. But my immediate environment during some of the most formative years of my life was often so anxiety inducing. It's sad when children miss out on fun.
The good news is that I did not suffer any permanent damage. I still have the capacity to play and pursue a variety of interests. And now, as I finally do more intensive therapy to address the dark moments and stretches of my childhood, I am finding myself able to find the strength and ease to cast off an overly serious veneer and allow myself to have some genuine fun.
Today I submitted a medical opinion form I completed with the assistance of my therapist during our session yesterday. I am now determined to be able to work forty hours a week again though there are some limitations. I am moving in a new career direction now and am excited by the possibilities that await me!
I am going out to celebrate Halloween tonight and give myself some quality time to celebrate. I'm going to make more time for play in my life.
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