Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Too Many Summers Gone By

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

I finally feel fairly healthy most of the time. It's a wonderful feeling.

I continue to have moments when I feel quite wistful. I actually looked up the meaning of the word to make sure I have a correct understanding of its meaning. The words sadness and impossible were contained in the definition I found online. Ah yes, the reality of that which is impossible.

I feel my sadness well up when I contemplate the impossibility of going back in time and changing how I spent so much of my time when I was a teenager and younger man. I can remember how, as a teenager, I would spend some of my evenings putting together puzzles. This isn't exactly the most typical activity for a boy of fourteen, fifteen or sixteen to be engaged in. I certainly didn't need to exercise any social skills in pursuing such a solitary hobby. I wish I had made more of an effort to do what other typical teenagers were doing. There is much of the typical life of a teenager that I do not miss at all. But the healthy practice of being a social creature during that phase of development is not something I miss. I miss the fact that I didn't engage in it as much as I now feel would have been healthy for me to do.

If you are a regular reader of my blog you may have grown weary of the number of times I have written about my wistfulness. My immense sadness lived untouched within me for such a long time. It was indeed a burden. It seems only natural I would write about it a lot considering how long I was carrying it around.

I do find myself enjoying the pleasant aspects of my life in the present time though. It's a beautiful time of year to be in Minnesota. I savor the opportunity to enjoy the long days and the greenery of so many trees.

I have had some profoundly powerful dreams the last two nights. I attribute the heightened activity of my dream-life to the fact that I am in the process of weaning myself completely off the sertraline I have been taking for nearly two years now. I can only imagine what may unfold once I go completely off the  medication in July.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!