Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Light of a June Evening

Sunday, June 7, 2015

I went for a leisurely stroll around my neighboring nature preservation area this evening. At one point I paused on a nearby bridge to admire the golden last minutes of evening light. It was a beautiful sight to watch the water of the stream below me leisurely flow by. The stream was a nice reminder that there are many paces you can follow in living your own life.

I am excited by what is coming next in my life. But I must admit to also feeling some sadness. The sadness I feel has many threads. I am still working through some of the sadness I feel related to my paternal family of origin. I also feel some sadness because the choice I made to stay in Minnesota another year automatically forecloses my availability to pursue other possibilities. My life is not evolving the way I had once hoped it would. This isn't a bad thing however. This is just the natural process of life unfolding as it always does.

It has been nearly two years since I first tried what would prove to be the life changing experience of EMDR therapy. I still find myself frequently appreciating the beauty of how light illuminates the world around me. I find myself feeling a sense of wonder that the light of the sun mingles with the world in so many distinctive ways. That childhood wonder I might typically have experienced in a more serene childhood is something I am instead often experiencing in the present. It's only a few decades "late". But I can only really describe it as late if I insist that my own childhood had to adhere to some existing script of normalcy. In mathematics 'normal' may be conceived as the average of a sum of values whose individual data points may vary significantly from each other. In other words, there is a vast range in what may be experienced as normal.

I am grateful that I will soon be transitioning off the last of the medications I have used throughout these last two years. I feel ready to do so. I feel quite healthy now. My physical health is indeed quite good. And my mental health is quickly catching up.

Beginning in early July, at the time of my two year anniversary of writing this blog, I am going to change my blog. I decided on one aspect of the forthcoming change in the last few days. Beginning July 1st I am only going to write Monday through Friday. The focus of my blog will also change. How it will do so is something I am still puzzling out.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!