On Complex PTSD, Part V

Friday, October 17, 2014

Today I am writing to offer my thoughts on another of the six possible indicators of Complex PTSD as noted at the following link.

A person’s capacity to cultivate healthy relationships with others may be severely compromised by severe trauma.  A traumatized person may isolate himself from the world at large as a protective measure to reduce the risk of future trauma.  A difficulty trusting others may characterize both existing longstanding relationships as well as newer ones.

When I reflect on my own life history thus far I see clearly that my own trauma history significantly impacted my capacity to trust people.  I am still learning to heal my capacity to trust even now.  As I have said many a time here in my blog healing is a process.  It requires time, dedication and the availability of significant resources.  Deep healing will, in my opinion, rarely happen overnight.

This week which is now nearly over has served as an ample reminder of how dysfunctional relationships were at the heart of my own wounding.  I have been sick much of this week with what seems to be a very bad respiratory infection.  Only today do I finally feel as if I am getting over whatever has made me physically ill for the last five days.  I attempted to schedule an appointment with my primary care doctor yesterday after awakening to find myself with a bloody nose as well as blood in my congestion.  My regular primary care doctor was solidly booked with patients yesterday so I opted to see another doctor at the same clinic instead.  My lack of familiarity with his so-called bedside manner left me responding in a somewhat aloof way.  This tends to be my default mode of relating to others whom I do not at all know.

My exploration of my own life in therapy has been quite productive throughout the last sixteen months.  I have clearly identified that the nature and quality of my relationships is one significant aspect of my life that I wish to improve.  I have even gone so far as to decide that I also want to make cultivation of relationships an important part of my future professional life.  I never consciously chose this as a focus of my career in the past.  The prospect of doing this in the future fills me with both excitement and a little bit of anxiety.

I plan to speak about this particular topic when I meet with my therapist later this afternoon.

Post Script

Fifty Day Challenge, Day #22

Healthy activities for today:

• I visited with my therapist
• I met with a worker of the Adult Rehabilitative Mental Health Services (ARMHS) program to conduct a follow up visit and partial intake