Friday, October 17, 2014

A Very Retrograde Moment

Friday, October 17, 2014

I have had a very challenging week.  Seemingly simple tasks and uncomplicated expectations seem to be too big to manage this week.  I am grateful that it is Friday if only because it's the last in a sequence of days where I feel heightened pressure to be productive.

I have been under the weather since this past Sunday.  My malaise began as a simple sore throat on Sunday.  On Monday, in a matter of about nine hours, whatever I had caught invaded my chest with a speed that I found impressive.  Since Monday evening I have done everything I can to take good care of myself while simultaneously following through on scheduled appointments and other activities as best as I can.  I nonetheless feel quite frustrated and even a bit resentful this morning.  When I see other people drinking themselves into oblivion or smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and still managing to be as healthy as I am (at least in present time) I wonder why I even bother to practice my heathy habits. If I am going to come down with respiratory infections and remain ill as long as other people who do not practice good self-care then what is the point of being mindful about my health?

I do have some good things to look forward to today.  I will be meeting with my therapist.  I was originally scheduled to see him on Tuesday evening.  I was required to reschedule due to a need he had to change up his own schedule.  I have been feeling quite resentful this week because when other people prove to be unreliable I can all too easily be reminded of my own childhood in which there was so much unreliability and chaos in my immediate environment.  In essence, I grow weary of being a thoughtful, law-abiding, kind citizen in a world all too full of people who don't think much of themselves or how their behavior ultimately affects others.

I was scheduled to see my personal trainer today.  I had to cancel that because I still do not feel that great.

I hope (and yes even pray) that next week proves to be more productive and enjoyable than this week has proven to be.  When weeks like this one leave me feeling deeply frustrated it is still a little too easy to start feeling as if I will never reach my long term goals.

I'm glad it's Friday!

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!