Afterglow

Saturday, July 13, 2013

I don’t know that the after-effects of my first two actual working sessions with my therapist can be interpreted to suggest a longer-term pattern that will continue in the future.  Yet if what I have experienced thus far ultimately proves to be representative of what will continue then it’s going to be an interesting ride indeed!

I noticed after my most recent session that my mind was unusually quiet.  It seemed as if I had become what some would call a quiet observer.  I have previously heard the term ‘observer’ used in the context of meditation and other practices designed to help people create a sense of ‘inner peace’.  When a person can reach a state of being in which he is not unduly swayed by any thoughts that pass through his mind then it seems he has become an observer.

Throughout my return trip home on Thursday I found myself marveling at the vivid beauty of the world around me.  And yet I noticed there was minimal commentary running through my mind in regards to what I was perceiving with my senses.  The world simply was what it was and I found myself soaking up the beauty of my surroundings without being simultaneously consumed in a virtual tornado of thoughts.  There was no endless commentary running through my mind.  It was wonderful to experience such an inner stillness.  It was also a bit surreal.

Later in the evening, after arriving home, I noticed another quality within my mind that was quite unfamiliar.  Worrisome thoughts were not gaining a toehold within my consciousness.  Instead they seemed to be wilting away quite quickly after I would first notice the thought in my mind.  These thoughts simply could not “stick”.  It was as if my brain had the non-stick power of Teflon.  This was both awesome and strange for me as well.  I found myself wondering how I will continue to evolve as the therapy progresses.

Enjoy your weekend!


P.S.  In reviewing the statistics on who is reading from my blog I noticed I have something of an audience in Russia, France and Germany.  I wish to thank my visitors who live outside the United States.  If you continue to visit my blog I think you will enjoy my writing.  My PTSD diagnosis is due primarily to the unfortunate family dynamics I was immersed in during the earliest years of my life.  My mother (who is a native German citizen) eventually moved back to Germany after her illness (schizophrenia) ultimately led to the end of her marriage to my father.  It's obvious to me that my awakening to this deeper layer of pain is due in part to my recent visit to Germany.  During my trip I visited with my family and saw my mother again for the first time in eleven years.  It was both enjoyable and difficult.

I also wish to thank my American visitors for your interest in my blog.  I hope you will keep visiting!