Wednesday, September 4, 2013

On the Road to Resilience

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Today was another full day.  Thankfully it was full of positive developments.  My acupuncturist is pleased with my progress and now recommends only one appointment a week.  Tomorrow could quite possibly be my last physical therapy appointment.  My recovery continues to progress.

This evening I attended the first session of the Resilience Training program offered at the Penny George Institute.  Though I don't believe in taking solace in other people's difficulties it was strangely comforting to be one person in a room of people who all are facing their own health challenges.  I feel less isolated than I have previously.  There was quite a variety of health challenges and issues represented in my group.  Among the stories I heard were health issues of lyme disease, PTSD, bipolarity, breast cancer and the pain and confusion that can come after the loss of intimate partners.  Nobody gets out of this experience of being human alive.  No human life isn't touched by sorrow.  Even if we enjoy lives full of health, wealth and ease we still are faced with the reality of human mortality.  The people we care about will one day leave us.

As for my own journey it's clear I can enhance my own resilience by building more stability into my life.  I need more fulfilling relationships.  I also need more enduring relationships.  Both would serve me well in my continuing recovery from PTSD.  Now that my physical health is essentially nearly normal once again I can begin to focus more clearly on these longer term issues.  As I mentioned in a recent post one of my principal challenges is addressing the loneliness that has been an all too persistent companion due to the instability of some of my most primary relationships.  Instability found me early in my own life when my mother experienced her schizophrenic breakdown.  Learning how to lay down new patterns of thinking will likely be one of the greater challenges I face in the therapeutic work that remains before me.

I began reading the book by Dr. Henry Emmons (one feature of the course) during some of my free time today.  Learning more about the brain-body connection is intriguing and vital.  I sense that in my particular case my primary challenge is my patterns of thinking that cause my biochemistry to become imbalanced more than the opposite scenario in which illness in the body adversely affects my mind.

Another important recent development is my email correspondence with my father.  He replied to me yesterday after I sent him a message indicating I didn't feel comfortable remaining in touch until he agrees to a process of mediation.  I still have not opened the email to read his reply.  I have hesitated to do so. I am trying to pace myself in the midst of such immense change.  I expect I will open it tomorrow morning before I venture off to see my therapist.

Perhaps the best news of all is my plan to attend a job fair tomorrow with The North Face.  I finally feel I am essentially ready to begin working again.  This is another big step.

I am finally beginning to see the dim outline of the healthy man I am striving to become in the future.  In many respects I am already healthy now (despite the PTSD).  But I want more than health.  I want to experience true vitality.  And I believe I can reach this destination.  Through diligence, patience and the support of my friends and family I will realize my dream.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!