Monday, September 16, 2013

A Life of Love or Fear?

Monday, September 16, 2013

Another seed I did not even know was planted during my attendance at the Minnesota Men's Conference seems to be coming to bloom already.  This evening, as I was leaving the YMCA, the question came to me: Do I wish to live a life of love or a life of fear?

Whether it's my entrance into my forties, the conference I recently attended, my process work regarding my father or something else that is at the root of my current contemplation I cannot easily say.  What I can say is that it is altogether extremely clear that I must make some significant changes to my life if I am to find the happiness and contentment I yearn for.  I look at my life as it currently exists and see much that does serve me and much that does not.

What is this feeling rising within my chest right now?  I suppose it could be called wistfulness.  As I was finishing my shower this morning and drying off in the bathroom I heard one of the telltale sounds of autumn here in Minnesota.  I heard the distinct sound of Canadian geese honking as they flew nearby.  Later in the day it sounded as if the sky was being torn asunder as planes flew overhead.  The change in the prevailing atmospheric conditions as the seasons change always unleashes interesting change in the way sound travels.  Sound is yet another marker by which we may orient ourselves to the place and time of year we inhabit.

I feel a certain sadness that my summer was not more productive.  And yet perhaps the seeds of discipline and commitment I planted this summer will bloom in great abundance through the winter ahead as well as the summer of next year.  That is one hope I have among many.

As for now I am grateful for open hearted men, the wildness of Canadian geese, the resilience of my body and the amazing and surprising gift I was granted this past weekend.  And I shall share more details about that tomorrow!

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!