Saturday, September 5, 2015

The Tether I Used To Escape The Abyss

Saturday, September 5, 2015

I have been in something of a reflective mood lately. This sometimes happens when major changes take place in my life. The fact that my birthday is coming up in nine days is another reason to give me pause and reflect on where I am now and what I would ultimately like to do with the life I have before me.

One major positive change I can report since my last entry is my procurement of a "new" car. The car isn't exactly new. Indeed, it has over 200,000 miles on it. It is a 2000 Subaru Legacy. The car was essentially gifted to me by a friend of a friend. I picked it up yesterday and drove it home from work. It had been over four years since I had a car of my own. My last vehicle was totaled on a rainy morning in Oregon in March 2011. I am fortunate that I was not 'totaled' with that car.

I actually felt a bit emotionally overwhelmed at one point yesterday. I felt so grateful to be the recipient of this unexpected generosity that I nearly began crying. The tears would have been inspired by a mixture of joy and relief. I feel relieved that I have managed to overcome the many difficulties I experienced in the last two years. I also feel relieved that the intense grief I was once feeling has significantly eased. Though I still do feel sadness on occasion the burden of my sadness is nothing compared to what it once was. I no longer really feel myself at significant risk of my sadness mutating into a black depression.

I also feel joyful these days. This blog I began writing twenty-six months ago has been but one piece of a puzzle whose assembly played a vital role in the restoration of my health. In meeting with a dietitian recently I describe my dedication to writing as ultimately resulting in the creation of a rope that I used to climb out of the abyss I felt myself in back in 2013. All the words I have written here, were they to be laid out end to end, symbolically created a thread that I used to life myself up and out of the darkness. When I think of this thread I cannot help but think of the story of Ariadne and the thread. You can learn more about this story from Greek mythology here.

The new challenge in my life now is no longer to heal from the deep wounding I experienced in the past. My challenge now is to keep up with the pace of the present. The many positive changes I have experienced recently all came about in such rapid succession that I have felt a bit overwhelmed by the end of many recent days. Thankfully a long weekend like the one we have now (Labor Day is on Monday) can be a good antidote to fatigue and excess commitments.

As I have noted numerous times in recent months I find myself in a time of transition. My focus in my own life has shifted. And my needs have changed. My need to write this blog has also changed. I continue to try to find some time to reflect on what I ultimately would like to do with my writing in the future. I trust this will become apparent as more time passes.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!