Friday, April 10, 2015

Learning To Believe Again

Friday, April 10, 2015

I am finding myself beginning to believe in the beauty of the world again.  I am smiling a lot more.  My sadness no longer feels overwhelming.  My sadness is definitely still inside me but I am finding a way to live with it; I trust it will gradually decline as time passes.

I began a new daily activity at the beginning of April that I find quite helpful.  Each day, at some point in the day, I write down what I am grateful for.  I then fold up the sheet of paper and stuff it inside a small flower vase.  The vase has some significance in my personal history.  I found it in November, 2013 at a bus stop in Minneapolis.  When I found it the vase was full of beautiful white flowers.  I found it the day after I competed in the Mister Minneapolis Eagle competition.  I took my discovery of this nice surprise as an indicator that I was on the right path in my own life.

Before I began stuffing this vase with my sheets of gratitude I placed a piece of jewelry inside it.  I imagined putting all my sadness into this piece of jewelry.  Now, as I gradually fill my 'gratitude vase', I can use this activity to focus on what is good in my life rather than focus so much on my sadness.  As I noted above the sadness inside my heart may never completely disappear.  But I can live anyhow.  I can find and create joy nonetheless.  I can create a rewarding life despite whatever happened in the past.

Another recent wonderful development in my life is my growing love of cooking.  I have never thought of myself as a talented cook.  Perhaps this sense of myself was a bit incorrect.  I find myself able to unleash my creativity in food preparation in a way I don't recall finding such pleasure in previously. My fascination with the world I can perceive with my five senses is certainly stoking my interest in cooking.  I love the diverse colors, the savory scents and the textures of so many different foods.  It seems my sense of taste is also stronger now.

We had a burst of snow pass through this morning.  It lasted less than an hour.  I suppose that is what April is often like here.  Winter shows up for brief moments over the span of hours or maybe a day or two but then fades away.  Spring here often seems to creep into being in a very incremental way.  But it is coming.  Green buds are showing up everywhere. You just have to know where to look!

Joy is such a gift!

No comments:

Post a Comment

I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!