The Veil Is Lifted

Saturday, July 30, 2016

“Our addiction was like a veil over our heads. We saw the world as an ugly place. We saw people as trouble. We thought our drinks and drugs were beautiful. But even they became ugly over time. Life became ugly because we had put distance between our Higher Power and ourselves.

Now we are blessed because the veil is lifted, and we are part of the healing process. We help others step into the beauty of recovery.

Our spirits are again free to seek a relationship with God and others. Through these relationships, we get our hope back. This hope helps us focus on the beauty of the world. Hope is the rain that helps our soul grow.”

~ July 30^th entry from Keep It Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve-Step Beginnings & Renewal

I feel fortunate to be a person who never dealt with my early life history of trauma by turning to the numbing power of excess use of drugs and alcohol. I can’t imagine (and don’t want to imagine) what my life would be like today if I had taken a journey down that road. And yet despite my fortune of not taking a turn down that particular path the above words taken from a beautiful little recovery guidebook spoke volumes to me this morning.

Prior to undergoing EMDR therapy I was unknowingly walking around with a veil over my own eyes. I saw the world through a cloud of unhealed grief. I often saw people as irresponsible, overly complicated and peculiar at best and scary, dysfunctional, untrustworthy and dangerous at worst. It took a tremendous amount of work for me to remove this distorting filter and actually see the world as it actually is.

With the veil of grief removed I now am free to seek healthy relationships with other human beings as well as whatever Higher Power exists in the Cosmos. EMDR therapy was the catalyst that led to my personal liberation. I will always feel grateful and fortunate that I found such deep healing.

When I woke this morning I felt profoundly different. The world is different too! This is true every morning. The world is always changing. A dear friend passed away yesterday. The world feels a bit more empty with him gone. But I have beautiful memories of him to hold in my heart. I cherish the time that I was able to know him.

I feel ready for a new beginning now. I need a new beginning. And I know a new beginning is on its way to me. I feel it rushing towards me like an immense wave.

Enjoy your Saturday!

The Seed Has Come Full Circle

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Yesterday a seed I (unknowingly) planted in November, 2003 came full circle. Yesterday, once again, I expressed my love and appreciation of Hawaii. I interviewed for two different jobs in Hawaii. And now, today, I must let go of the process and await a reply. That reply will likely come near the end of next week.

It has felt very strange to be me lately. I have done such an extraordinary amount of work on myself not just in this month of July, 2016 but in the last three years. I feel this immense emptiness inside me. But it’s not really an emptiness that I feel some sort of pain about. It’s an emptiness I have created by removing all sorts of psychic crud I was carrying around for far too much of my life. I have made space for something beautiful and new to enter my life. Now, like the farmer who plants seeds each year, I must wait for the outcome of recent efforts I have made. Now I must practice that not inconsequential art of trusting.

Ah, yes, trusting…that amazingly vital aspect of a human life that does not always come very easily. Being human seems like a recipe for learning the pain of broken trust as well as the joy of restored trust. I am still learning to trust more deeply. It can be a lifelong journey to learn how to trust again.

Being Held In A Beautiful Way

Sunday, July 24, 2016


Today was an incredibly beautiful day. I think I will easily remember an element of what happened on this day for the rest of my life.

Earlier today I heard my name vocalized during the 11:30 am mass at the Basilica of St. Mary. I wasn't expecting this. I had contacted the Basilica this past week in the hope of finding some additional support during a time in which I am not only confronted with some deep needs but also a period of deep transformation. I didn't necessarily think the support I requested would include my name being mentioned during a mass. What I would call the ripple effect of my retreat last weekend at the Demontreville Jesuit retreat house in Lake Elmo, Minnesota is still at work.

My name was mentioned first during that portion of the mass when prayers are offered for particular individuals. I nearly burst into tears when I heard my name. Instead of sobbing I focused on consciously breathing so I could lessen my feelings of being overwhelmed. There was something about hearing my name vocalized in the presence of hundreds of worshippers in the interior of such an incredibly beautiful church that left me feeling something I still struggle to fully express in words. More words will probably come to me later.

I am grateful for all the generosity of all the people who have touched my life since the day I was born.

Dear Minnesota

Saturday, July 23, 2016


Dear Minnesota,

I am writing to you to let you know the time is drawing near for me to take my leave of you. It's been an interesting journey living within your borders. Had I known what I was going to experience when I came to you in October, 2012 I might never have moved here. My life here has certainly been eventful. I expect to leave you later this year. That is my plan. And when I do venture to move on I will be leaving with a most unexpected gift. I expect to leave with the gift of my own wholeness.

I still don't quite know what to make of you dear Minnesota. You can be a stern teacher. Never did I appreciate the gift of spring as much as I came to do once I lived through your winters. Spring does not come easily to you. Winters take up their residence here and do not cede their occupancy easily. Indeed, spring and winter do a delicate dance here within your borders. Spring here is like a prayer whose wisdom grows within us day after day until one day, finally, the fruit of that wisdom bursts forth to reveal a landscape awake...and green. I came to appreciate the beautiful color green in a new way while living within your borders.

I make a prayer to you today that you release me from your borders with a gentleness very much not characteristic of the dark, cold season that finds such strength here within you. I ask you to release me so that I may go on my way and, using the wisdom and strength I have cultivated while living within you, find my way once again to the path that leads me to my best possible future life.

Why Trump Should NEVER Become President

Thursday, July 21, 2016


It's a broiling day (by local standards) here in Minnesota. My life here the last several years seems to have so thickened my blood that the heat associated with a typical summer day in Texas (where I grew up) now leaves me feeling positively wilted. Heat is a good analogue when talking about the human experience of anger. And this nation, the United States of America, appears to be virtually marinating in anger these days. Who serves as a good example of a lightning rod for American anger? Why Donald Trump of course.

I have watched the Trump phenomenon with growing horror over the last several months. Like many Americans I thought it was a big stretch for him to realistically compete in the 2016 American presidential election. But I suppose I underestimated the seething anger filling so many people in the American populace. I believe it correct to say that Trump has made it possible for racists, homophobes, misogynists and simply deeply hateful people to feel very safe exposing their darkness for all the world to see. It isn't a pretty sight. Parallels have been made in many media regarding the similarities between Trump and Adolf Hitler of Nazi era Germany. And though the parallels aren't exact I do find some of them very compelling. The United States seems to be going through its collective version of a dark night of the soul.

Some of my closest friends know that I took part in a leadership training within the last twelve months. This training was known as the Neighborhood Leadership Program. This program is offered by the very respected Wilder Foundation based in St. Paul, Minnesota. I have been reflecting on leadership these last many months. Among other things I have been reflecting on how much it appears we need genuine leadership throughout our government here in the United States. To me the ascendancy of one Donald Trump speaks volumes about the appalling leadership vacuum that exists here in this country. How else can you explain how someone so obviously unfit for the Office of the President has become the nominee of the Republican Party? There are naturally many people seeking to explain the Trump phenomenon to themselves and the American public. I won't enumerate all those explanations here. I want to focus on just one attribute that I believe is the litmus test for good leadership. That quality is humility. And I honestly cannot detect that Donald Trump has a shred of humility in his person.

As I browsed online sources of definitions of humility I noticed that the definitions provided do not quite encompass what I believe humility genuinely is. I believe that a person described as truly humble is, among other things, aware of the finiteness of human knowledge. A humble person is willing to admit that he (or she) doesn't possess complete knowledge of any one subject in particular or of the world in general. Though many people are aptly described as experts in their professional fields it is nonetheless correct (and wise I think) to acknowledge that we humans can always learn more - because there is always more to learn! If you want to appreciate how much knowledge has been developed by the human race you need only go to some of the largest libraries of the world. Or spend an entire day surfing the Internet and googling different terms. In my opinion humans can and never will have total knowledge...of anything.

When I see Donald Trump on stage I cannot detect a shred of humility in the man. Instead I see a prodigious quantity of what I understand is the antithesis of humility, namely arrogance. So why are so many Americans drawn to such a boorish, arrogant man? I believe it has to be the immense fear that is consuming so many Americans in this day and age. People want reassurances that their lives are going to improve or at least remain viable. And so they buy into a slogan as hollow as "Make America Great Again".

This blog entry is not meant to serve as an exhaustive review of the literature on the topic of leadership and the quality of humility. I will reference just one source here. Consider a 2014 article in the Harvard Business Review. I encourage you to read this article and then contemplate your own observations regarding Donald Trump. How do you think we as a nation will be able to survive let alone thrive if a man as belligerent, deceitful and arrogant as Donald Trump becomes President?

From what I have seen arrogance never ends well. Can you seriously identify a single person in your life whose arrogance didn't eventually cost that person something significant? Consider the example of George W. Bush. Do you recall his arrogance? Do you recall when he virtually encouraged an inflammation of terrorism in the world by saying "Bring it on!"? Consider the cost the United States is still burdened with by Bush's unwise choice to lead the nation into an unnecessary war in the Middle East. Consider all the dead and wounded soldiers. Consider the medical costs, their suffering and the suffering of their families in your own assessment of the wisdom of Bush's choice. Consider also how the war contributed to the destabilization of the Middle East.

It's my impression that arrogance often serves as the mask for a terrible wound. Arrogance, it seems, often masks a feeling of inadequacy...a feeling of being less than. People who first bully others when they themselves are children are, it seems, not uncommonly arrogant. When a person goes looking for a fight you have to wonder what is going on inside that person. A person determined to prove himself to the world through incessant displays of bravado as well as voluminous threats and so on is, I would wager, likely carrying some deep darkness inside.

So no, dear reader, I wouldn't vote for Trump to become President. I wouldn't vote for him...to do anything. Make your own list as to why you might not vote for him. But I clearly know what is at the top of my list.

It's the lack of humility!!!!

What the Jesuits Meant (and Mean) To Me, Part II

Wednesday, July 20, 2016


On May 18, 1999 I left behind the life I had been living the prior nine months in Chicago, Illinois. I had been living as a Jesuit scholastic and attending Loyola University Chicago.  I had taken courses in philosophy and theology. I had worked with Vietnamese youth in an after school enrichment program as my active ministry assignment. I grew a lot as a person during those nine months. Looking back I wish I had been able to grow more as a person though. I still wish I had discovered EMDR therapy in 1999 rather than in 2013. Perhaps I would have stayed in the Jesuit order. It is difficult to conceive of how my life would be today if EMDR treatment had found its way into my life many years earlier than it ultimately did. Maybe my life would be so much better today if I had.


"Maybe my life would be so much better today if I had."

This thought conveys regret. It expresses my mournful regret over actions never taken and paths never discovered. Now, years later, I am still purging myself of the excessive grief I carried for so very long. What does a life look like when it is suddenly deeply shaken up and redirected long after a person has become an adult? Perhaps it looks a little bit like my own life. Have you ever felt like much of your life is a quest to rediscover a person inside you who never really had a good chance to develop? That has been my life experience.

I had not recently really appreciated how much the Jesuits meant to my own personal development until I went away on a retreat at the Demontreville Jesuit retreat house in Lake Elmo, Minnesota this past weekend. On more than one occasion I felt myself nearly burst into tears while eating. It was such a gift to eat as well as I did. And it was such a gift to eat as well as I did in the company of other men. And this was true even though the retreat was held in silence!

This past weekend revived my memories of the nearly three years I spent in the Society of Jesus. That time I spent living in such a stimulating environment suddenly was in the forefront of my conscious awareness. I found myself deeply grateful for all the gifts I was given in that time of my life. It's no wonder I cried as much as I did this past weekend.

I reached out to a Jesuit friend shortly after arriving back home on Sunday night. Today he provided me the names of two Jesuits who were my novice colleagues during my time in the Society. They both began one year ahead of me. I felt bad that I wasn't a better friend and a better man at that time in my life. So I wrote to them today (email) in the hope of healing any rough edges that may be in their hearts.


I want a life defined by wholeness and vibrant health. I believe I can have such a life.

What The Jesuits Meant (and Mean) To Me, Part I

Monday, July 18, 2016


If your life has been touched by the life of a Jesuit your life will almost certainly never be the same.

It's a Monday in July and I find myself wondering where my life will take me next. I currently have job applications under consideration in a number of places in the world. Some of those places include the Pacific Basin, the West Coast and Washington, D.C. I actually interviewed for an opportunity last week which I did not even intend to be considered for. I believe it's important to be open to a variety of possibilities in life. I believe such openness is both a healthy inclination as well as an indication of trusting that our lives will ultimately unfold as they are meant to.

Almost exactly twenty years ago at this time I was about to embark on an adventure. In August, 1996 I joined the Society of Jesus, known more informally as the Jesuits. The Jesuits are a well known religious order of the Catholic Church; they have existed since the sixteenth century. My decision to apply to and later join the order was an immense act of faith. I was such a young man at the time. I turned twenty-three years old a few weeks after beginning my journey in the order on August 25, 1996.

Less than three years later, in May, 1999, I left the Jesuits. My time in the order had been profoundly formative and transformative. I completed the thirty day Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola in January, 1997. I was then sent on what the Jesuits call an 'experiment'. This rather clinical and medical sounding term is used to describe an experience a Jesuit novice undertakes to learn more about the Society, himself and, ideally, God. I was sent to live and work among the Lakota Sioux Native American people of South Dakota. I cannot imagine who I would be today if I had not made the journey to South Dakota.

Even now, twenty years later, certain aspects of my trip to reach South Dakota stand out in my mind. I recall having to virtually run across the Minneapolis, Minnesota airport to make my connecting flight. And I recall that connecting flight well. I made my way to the vast plains of South Dakota aboard a twin engine plane. All the while I marveled that something could take flight with such little power. I never imagined we would crash but I recall repeatedly being fascinated that we reached the altitude we did.

When I departed South Dakota approximately fourteen weeks later I departed as a very changed individual. It was my first opportunity to see much of American culture from outside of it while, seemingly ironically, living within the borders of the United States. I saw but one example of the countless realities of poverty that people live in each day. I lived and worked among a people whose ancestors had experienced an immense destruction of both their lives as well as their way of life. It was a learning experience I would never forget.

I later went on to collaborate in other ministries. In the autumn of 1997 I worked in what I would call a "ministry of presence". I visited women who were incarcerated in the Massachusetts Correctional Institute in Framingham, Massachusetts. The following spring I worked in education at Fairfield Preparatory School in Fairfield, Connecticut. After taking first vows in the Society in August, 1998 I departed New England to study at Loyola University Chicago. Less than a year would pass before I would find myself departing the Jesuit order to embark on a whole new life.

Though many years have passed since that formative period of my life I find I can still recall some details of it quite vividly. My memories of this powerful time in my life returned to me these last several days while making a retreat at the Demontreville Jesuit retreat house in Lake Elmo, Minnesota. When I arrived at the retreat center last Thursday I had a strong feeling that I might leave feeling quite differently by the time the retreat concluded on Sunday (yesterday). And I did feel quite differently indeed.

More details on that tomorrow.

One Way We Can Heal America

Wednesday, July 13, 2016


I feel immensely grateful for this day that is now ending. It certainly ended in a way I was not expecting. I appreciate the power of friendship, open hearted men and people willing to show up to their occupations day in and day out no matter what the stress they experience in their work.

As I noted in a recent posting there was a tragic shooting not far from where I live just last week. A small child died in the incident. That child was only two years old. Gun violence is our great scourge here in America. That is my opinion. But I think it is also verifiable fact. If only our Congress would listen to a vast majority of the American people who want a workable solution to the ridiculous levels of gun violence that occur in our nation. But many members of Congress are in the pockets of the NRA. What will it take to change this perversion of power? It seems more unnecessary bloodshed will unfortunately actually be necessary. I feel so sad about the state of affairs in our nation.

I did something today that was an act of faith and gratitude. As I reached my stop on one of the buses that serves my neighborhood I made a point to briefly speak with the bus driver. I thanked her for being willing to work as a bus driver and drive through a neighborhood that was the backdrop to a recent act of tragic violence. The driver was an African American woman. I am a gay man of Germanic and Dutch heritage. I grew up in Texas. I have no idea where she grew up. Her profession is public transportation. My professional background is ocean policy and conservation. I can't know more about her based on our brief interaction today.

The point I wish to make is that the United States of America is virtually possessed by an Us versus Them mentality. Rather than see our common humanity we are divided in factions. Many Americans appear to have lost the ability to see what we have in common. We are all human beings. We all need and deserve to have the same things in life. We all need love. We all need companionship. We all need food, shelter, clothing and a reason to wake up each day. We have more in common than we do not. And yet this nation is rending itself apart due to our perceived differences.

If we want to heal our nation we need to seek common ground. We need to see our common humanity. We must look beyond our differences (age, gender, socioeconomic status, education, race, etc). If we cannot or will not do that our nation will surely eventually die.

Focus on all the good in your life. Be grateful for that good. And find a person to thank for the simple reason that they are who they are and are contributing to the world in their own unique way.

My Bus Ride Home

Monday, July 11, 2016


Yesterday I recounted some of my day this past Saturday. Here is the conclusion of that day's story:

The last leg of my journey home featured me riding the 19 Bus. And ever since I heard of this small child dying in gunfire I have felt heightened anxiety about taking certain buses.

I boarded the bus to discover a police officer in the very back. And then came the thoughts of what happened in Dallas, of police being murdered, of the issues we have with police-community relations in this nation, of our history of racism and so on. My very first thought when I saw the police officer was "Oh good, there's a police officer on the bus. Now I feel more safe." I am sure others on the bus didn't necessarily feel the same way. And for the record the officer appeared to be African American.

I sat and pondered my initial thought. And I appreciated how I really do try to give people the benefit of the doubt as much as possible - I *want* to trust people but sometimes it is very difficult for me.

The bus had a more subdued quality about it than I expect it would have had if there had been no police officer on the bus. At least that was the case until a woman boarded who, after sitting down in the back, began to say "F--- you, f--- your momma" and so on. I could feel my eyes rolling and some anger building inside me as all of us in the bus were a captive audience to this woman's use of foul language. I managed to distract myself by breathing deeply and thinking thoughts of gratitude for my safety.

We eventually passed the intersection where that two year old child died just this past Friday. And there was a collection of people gathered in solidarity regarding the violent death of this small child. I couldn't clearly see the people gathered through the tinting of the bus windows. But as we passed through the intersection my tears were rising again. What planet is this again?

As my bus neared my destination I thought about thanking the police officer in the back of the bus. I thought about saying something I felt would be innocuous like "Thank you for your service". I hesitated and ultimately said nothing. Why? Because other thoughts crowded my mind. Would the other passengers on the bus, a vast majority of whom were African American, feel I was effectively saying "Thank you for giving me a feeling of safety among these people whom I think are violent and untrustworthy"? I could feel the stain of what racism has done to our nation both in the past and in the present moment. I wanted to express gratitude and feared it would be misconstrued. So I said nothing.

After getting off the bus I noticed a Metro Transit police vehicle was directly behind the bus I had just disembarked from. More thoughts passed through my mind such as "Was the vehicle an escort for the bus I was on?" I felt the crushing weight of what I imagine it feels like to be an African American in certain neighborhoods in this country. If you can't expect your two year old child to survive when you are raising that child what are you to do? What can impoverished, disenfranchised people do when they are caught in the crossfire of people whose apparent first resort is the harm that so often comes with the use of a gun?


And that, my dear friends, is life in America. That, my friends, is but one story of how our failure to understand and love one another diminishes US ALL.

Let's come together rather than tear each other apart. Please for the sake of future generations let's become the best version of ourselves we can be.

I am devastated. I want to go to sleep and sleep a whole day.

Be Real

Monday, July 11, 2016


I woke up this morning with a heaviness in my chest. Lately it has felt like something is seated on top of my chest when I wake up each morning. This has been going on for a few weeks now. In fact, it seems to have started on June 17th. That was a stressful day due to a dispute I am currently having with an individual I once considered a friend. It's always unfortunate when friendships sour to such a degree that those same individuals become people you never wish to see again.

I did all I could today to practice healthy living habits. I spent time with a very wonderful friend. I ate a healthy lunch. I completed paperwork necessary to keep my life running as smoothly as possible. I got a haircut so I will look sharp in the coming weeks. And then I went to the downtown YMCA.

Because my heart has been feeling quite stressed lately I decided to give myself some cardiovascular exercise. I both walked and ran on the walking/jogging path on the fifth floor of the gym. I then decided to do something more demanding. I ran as fast as I could over the distance of a single lap - twice. The second time around I could feel myself rapidly tiring as I reached my self imposed finish line. I now feel pleasantly exhausted. I believe I will sleep well tonight.

While exercising at the Y a slogan came to me that I want to make my personal life slogan from now on. The slogan is "Be Real. Be Powerful. Be *yourself*. Show Up."

The people I want to have in my life from this day forward are people who have similar values. I want people who are real...and by 'real' I mean authentic and forthright. I want people who are unafraid of being themselves. I also want people unafraid to express themselves and the power they have by virtue of being alive. And finally I want people who show up in the world. Apathy is never sexy. And apathy is something that kills individuals as well as communities and entire societies. We need people living according to what they are passionate about. I personally believe part of the reason American society appears to be rotting lately is because there is an epidemic of apathy at play.

We need to care about ourselves and our communities. End of story.

Trauma Trauma Everywhere

Sunday, July 10, 2016


Yesterday was a day that featured both pleasure as well as intense sadness. Below is the content of a posting I shared on social media:

My. Heart. Feels. Broken.

I was first inclined to write my heart is broken...but if that were literally true I would be dead right now. But sometimes I feel like I am dying. Sometimes I feel like I want to leave this planet. I don't understand human beings sometimes. Our ignorance, our self-destructive rage, our carelessness - some days it is all too much to bear.

Today was not the day I had been hoping for. There was some beauty in my day. But there were so many rough edges too. And those rough edges left me repeatedly crying. I learned today that a two year old child, yes a TWO YEAR OLD died not far from where I live. You can read the story here. That child wasn't even old enough to know what was happening as it died. And why did it die? Gun violence of course. It's an American addiction. We "solve" our problems with weaponry rather than with contemplation and open hearts. But of course we don't actually solve our problems that way - we just compound the trauma in our collective history - over and over and over again - until despair can steal easily into our hearts and make us never want to emerge from bed again.

I am so tired of living in the United States lately. The violence, the stupidity, the misplaced priorities, the hubris, the corruption, the anger, the racism - all of it put together is like a funeral pyre constantly lit - consuming everything it touches. I opened up my Facebook page just now and one of the first stories I see in the trending column is the latest news about how Wayne LaPierre is helping to destroy the world.

Yes, Wayne, that is what I see you as...a destroyer. You and the liars within the NRA deserve to be called to account for your deceit. In my opinion true justice would require you to attend the funeral of every child in America who dies due to gun violence. It would only be fair if you were compelled to attend such funerals and all the while be required to KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Whenever you speak, Wayne, it's like a torrent of filth filling the world. I can't comprehend that someone like you actually could have a soul. How can you sleep at night given what you contribute to the world? I'd like you to come to Minneapolis and dare to promote the NRA's warped agenda to the mother of this two year old child who needlessly died! Oh, I get it, I suppose there weren't enough good guys with guns who just happened to be in the neighborhood when a two year old child was inadvertently murdered. But wait, Wayne, aren't the guns supposed to be making us safer? I consider you a fool and a liar. Every time I see a picture of you I want to vomit.

This was my day:

I went to a pool party in the hope of having fun. And I did have some fun. But I also had the great displeasure of seeing a man who treated me with such incredible cruelty three years ago. He somehow feels comfortable showing his face in society even after all the callousness he showed me three years ago. If cruelty were the only prerequisite necessary to incarcerate someone he would certainly have a place in jail.

I left the party earlier than I had planned - and in tears. I couldn't not remember that time three years ago - all the pain, all the fear, all the confusion I was feeling. I got on the train and began to make my way home - only to be required to get off the train after a sudden announcement that construction was requiring the train to go out of service. And I wasn't even warned of it! I had to board a shuttle to keep moving towards home. A few stops later a man boarded who appeared to be so inebriated that it seemed miraculous he could walk in a line. And I felt sad for him. The bus eventually dropped me downtown. And there I encountered the following:

• A man who unzipped and engaged in a little public urination in a bus shelter. My obvious look of revulsion caught his attention and he began apologizing. I felt bad that he apparently felt I was judging him; I told him I was having a hard time and walked onward.

• A homeless family on Hennepin Avenue - which included, it seemed, a small child.

• The heat of the day felt positively overwhelming when mixed with the sadness I was feeling - my own personal sadness and sadness for this country and what we seem to be becoming more each day - a collection of self-absorbed people not interested in the plight of our closest neighbors.

As I felt more tears welling up I decided to change plans and go to the Basilica of St. Mary. I found my way into its interior coolness. I began crying again - these were wracking sobs that left me feeling I was almost exorcising something. My tears were tears for myself, for my community, for the world, for this two year old child who will never live to see another day.

After finding some relief I made my way to the downtown YMCA. I swam fifteen laps in the pool; the coolness of the water refreshed me.


Tomorrow: The ride home...

Three Years Later

Monday, July 4, 2016


I celebrated the three year anniversary of the beginning of my blog writing over this past weekend. I was fortunate to have the beautiful backdrop of a friend's home in Stacy, Minnesota to mark the occasion.

With each day that passes I feel a growing urgency to move on with my life. I will be leaving Minnesota before the snows of the next cold season begin. Where I will ultimately go I do not yet know. I am making efforts to explore a variety of options.

This past weekend was a beautiful gift for me. I feel amazed that it has been three entire years since I began my writing journey. I hope that my work has helped people who are also making journeys to heal from trauma. That was one of the main reasons I was inspired to begin this long running documentary.

I welcome you to continue to follow me as my journey unfolds.