Saturday, July 30, 2016
Yesterday a seed I (unknowingly) planted in November, 2003 came full circle. Yesterday, once again, I expressed my love and appreciation of Hawaii. I interviewed for two different jobs in Hawaii. And now, today, I must let go of the process and await a reply. That reply will likely come near the end of next week.
It has felt very strange to be me lately. I have done such an extraordinary amount of work on myself not just in this month of July, 2016 but in the last three years. I feel this immense emptiness inside me. But it’s not really an emptiness that I feel some sort of pain about. It’s an emptiness I have created by removing all sorts of psychic crud I was carrying around for far too much of my life. I have made space for something beautiful and new to enter my life. Now, like the farmer who plants seeds each year, I must wait for the outcome of recent efforts I have made. Now I must practice that not inconsequential art of trusting.
Ah, yes, trusting…that amazingly vital aspect of a human life that does not always come very easily. Being human seems like a recipe for learning the pain of broken trust as well as the joy of restored trust. I am still learning to trust more deeply. It can be a lifelong journey to learn how to trust again.