Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Dancing In A Tornado

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

It's nearly 9 pm now and I don't feel like writing. I am wiped out from another day of putting my best foot forward as I climb that intensely vertical section of the learning curve not uncommon to the first weeks of time in a new job. I am enjoying my work so far. And I feel I ought to be grateful for that. And I am. But I feel exhausted!

I went to see my therapist yesterday. Therapy itself sometimes feels a bit boring now. It's not that I don't  still have challenges to deal with in my life now. I certainly still do. But the time of getting into the heart of what burdened my heart and mind is long past. What stands before me now is the longer term process of creating and living a life that I actually want to awaken to each day.

I went to see my podiatrist today. Of all the things that cause my anxiety level to increase the condition of my feet ranks high among them. My feet still don't feel quite right. I was on a course of prednisone twice in the last nine months. My podiatrist doesn't want to put me back on medication a third time. And I certainly don't want to take that route either. So my podiatrist chose to make a minor alteration to one of my orthotics as a way of testing how much the quality of the orthotics may be affecting my feet. So I get to deal with this issue as it continues to evolve. Oh joy!

It's the height of summer right now. And it certainly feels like it. It's difficult for me to not break into a sweat as I walk the short distance from my train to my place of work each morning. But I know the heat of summer is a very fleeting thing here in Minnesota. In a mere three weeks it will be September. And unlike the American South autumn doesn't hesitate to announce itself here in Minnesota. The leaves will be changing on the trees very soon.

I generally feel good about how my life is evolving now. I feel that I lost more than enough time mired in painful rumination about my early life history. My sadness regarding the estrangement I experienced with my paternal family of origin may never completely disappear. It may simply be something I must learn to live with. And I can do that. I have lived with the sadness for decades. But through the experience of psychotherapy (and more specifically the healing made possible by EMDR therapy and shamanic journeying) I gave myself the gift of conscious release from the burden I had been carrying around.

Life these days sometimes feels something like dancing in a tornado. It's an eventful journey I am on.


  1. I feel you about seeing a therapist to talk through old issues that bothers us. However, after many years of being in and out of it, I am tired of talking about it. I decided to put if all behind me and get on with living my life each day. Nothing you can do will wipe out the past and living it over and over again, in my opinion, only keeps you in that state of mind. This is coming from a woman who has had many, many issues to cope with in life. Now, if I can't get along with people family or not, I just leave them to themselves. Not being around them bring a lot of relief. Think of it this way. As long as you allow them to control your thoughts, you are allowing them to run your life.

    So stop giving it all so much thought and get out there and enjoy your life. Before you know it, you will be a lot older looking back on why you allow them to occupy so much of you gray matter. I wish you the best always.

    1. Thanks Brenda. I am only just now reading your comment many months later. I agree with your sentiments and thank you for your kind and thoughtful words.


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