Monday, August 15, 2016

Why O Why?

Monday, August 15, 2016

I began my day quite early today. One of the first things I did was go to the Basilica of St. Mary in order to take some time to pray. You'd think I was going to join a religious order based on how much I have been praying in the last month. But I have already done that in the I can check that off my list!

Today was the day in the Catholic Church calendar dedicated especially to honoring Mary. It was the Feast of the Assumption of Mary. I won't go into all the theology and belief associated with this particular feast here in my blog. Not only do I not know much of that theology but the time involved to parse it and share it here would be quite consuming. I have done a lot of praying to Mary lately though. She embodies qualities of the mother I wish that I had had. But my motives to pray to her go beyond the appeal that a surrogate may have. I have been praying to her because I do genuinely believe it is helping me in some way.

Prayer has served me in many ways this last month. It helps me to distract myself from less savory thoughts that occasionally cross my mind. One strand of thought I would rather not have concerns the amount of time I spent here in Minnesota. I find myself wishing I had not spent over three years of my life sorting out my past life in preparation for what I hope and pray will be a truly powerful new beginning. I wish I could have done it faster than I did. But then again I can reframe how I view this time I lived in Minnesota. I can be thankful that it happened at all. Perhaps it was some sort of strange grace that led me here. I can be thankful that I discovered my life changing experience of EMDR therapy while living here in Minnesota. It's quite possible I would never have discovered it had I not made this "detour" to Minnesota.

When this particular line of thinking takes up residence in my conscious mind I find myself also wondering who I might have been if I had stayed in the Washington, DC area back in 2012. But I usually quickly turn away from that particular tangent because I have become convinced that I would ultimately be worse off if I had never made my way to Minnesota. It seems my life in Minnesota was preparatory work for something much bigger to come in my personal future.

I stand on the threshold of that much bigger something. I am excited to see what will come to be.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!