Friday, February 19, 2016
It's been a relatively long time since I last wrote in my blog.
Winter has grown very old here in Minnesota. And I don't just mean this one particular iteration of winter. I speak of the season of winter in general. My eyes crave the beauty of lush life beyond the windows that separate me from winter's chill. I find the barren trees and snow covered ground such bleak imagery that I avert my eyes from such images whenever possible.
I have been doing some intensive work on myself again lately. It's comforting to be able to report that the anger and outrage I once carried around for so long is now a feature of my distant past. I actually drew up a diagram the other day and then shared it with my therapist. You could call it the layer cake of feelings. I had a lot of feelings to disentangle back in 2013. At the time I first embarked on yet another (and final) leg of my psychic healing journey my anger was quite palpable. It took some time for that to dissipate. My anger masked an immense amount of fear, sadness and grief. I am still working through the sadness. But it is nothing like it once was either.
I recently came to an additional insight; there was still something more underneath the fear, sadness and grief. There was a deep feeling of loneliness. I am leaning into the weight of that feeling of aloneness now. It's a heavy feeling indeed.
But that's it! There's nothing left which I can sense living underneath the loneliness. My loneliness represents the bottom of the bucket.
I'm planning to move on from Minnesota later this year. I feel the time is coming for me to leave this place and embark on a truly new and powerful beginning.
I feel a growing capacity for happiness burgeoning inside me.
It's been a relatively long time since I last wrote in my blog.
Winter has grown very old here in Minnesota. And I don't just mean this one particular iteration of winter. I speak of the season of winter in general. My eyes crave the beauty of lush life beyond the windows that separate me from winter's chill. I find the barren trees and snow covered ground such bleak imagery that I avert my eyes from such images whenever possible.
I have been doing some intensive work on myself again lately. It's comforting to be able to report that the anger and outrage I once carried around for so long is now a feature of my distant past. I actually drew up a diagram the other day and then shared it with my therapist. You could call it the layer cake of feelings. I had a lot of feelings to disentangle back in 2013. At the time I first embarked on yet another (and final) leg of my psychic healing journey my anger was quite palpable. It took some time for that to dissipate. My anger masked an immense amount of fear, sadness and grief. I am still working through the sadness. But it is nothing like it once was either.
I recently came to an additional insight; there was still something more underneath the fear, sadness and grief. There was a deep feeling of loneliness. I am leaning into the weight of that feeling of aloneness now. It's a heavy feeling indeed.
But that's it! There's nothing left which I can sense living underneath the loneliness. My loneliness represents the bottom of the bucket.
I'm planning to move on from Minnesota later this year. I feel the time is coming for me to leave this place and embark on a truly new and powerful beginning.
I feel a growing capacity for happiness burgeoning inside me.
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!