Friday, February 26, 2016

Watching Life No More

Friday, February 26, 2016

I see beautiful sunlight falling upon my hands as I type yet another entry to chronicle my unfolding odyssey.

Outside it's winter but not really winter. It's almost spring but not quite spring. We are moving into that between time of the year. I am in between as well. I do not feel fully healed. But I am not in a deep abyss either. I am moving. I am moving forward. I am breathing. I am relaxing. I am relieved.

It seemed as if I was slipping back into an immense darkness earlier this month. And so I decided to do something kind for myself. I sought out some resources from some familiar places here in my local community. And now, due to my own diligence as well as the kindness of my friends, I find myself feeling much better.

My sadness is still with me. But it is no longer an immense, nearly suffocating cloud. It is much smaller and lighter now. Rather than needing a full size suitcase which I would have to check onto an airplane I can "fit" my sadness into a carry-on bag. My body and the feelings I carry is much more...portable.

I can't watch life any more. I can't be someone who witnesses life rather than actually lives it. I can't be a vicarious dweller of shadows whose pain lingers and smothers. I see myself taking myself to a new realm. I see a new place and a new possibility. I see healing and wholeness in my future life. And I see love and friendship as well. These are the things I dream of for myself.


When we feel deeply victimized, demoralized, frightened or confused it is a very natural response to withdraw from the world to protect ourselves. We may find we need a significant amount of time to regroup and recover. If we truly love and care about ourselves we can, to the best of our abilities, give ourselves the time we need to restore ourselves.


I have heard grief described as a sort of high praise for that which we have lost. This feels true to me. One of the greatest honors we can bestow upon our losses is our tears.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!