Friday, June 17, 2016
Today was an eventful day.
I had a court hearing this morning. I learned that someone I had invested a significant amount of trust in betrayed my trust. A certain man lied to me. And in lying to me he helped set in motion a series of events that were entirely preventable had he not lied to me. I have no idea if he feels any remorse for his actions. At this moment, some eleven hours after the hearing, I am primarily aware of my feelings of disgust, anger and shock.
One of the unfortunate aspects of the legacy of the trauma I experienced as a child was my development of unhealthy boundaries. The way I learned to allow people to enter my life was distorted by unhealthy modeling of boundaries by those closest to me during the earliest years of my life. When children grow up in an environment with inappropriate boundaries it can be very difficult for them to learn how to create and live with healthy boundaries as adults. The healing journey I have undertaken these last three years has led me to develop some rich wisdom. One tidbit from that store of hard fought wisdom is my conviction that unhealthy boundaries are often (but not necessarily always) a sign of early abuse, neglect or some other dysfunction.
I am sitting at home as I compose my reflections for the day. It's going to take me a bit of time to process what I learned today. Despite my feelings of disgust and betrayal I will not allow how I feel now to stop me from going out and enjoying the world around me.
I will do more than survive. I will thrive. It is a vow I make to myself.
Today was an eventful day.
I had a court hearing this morning. I learned that someone I had invested a significant amount of trust in betrayed my trust. A certain man lied to me. And in lying to me he helped set in motion a series of events that were entirely preventable had he not lied to me. I have no idea if he feels any remorse for his actions. At this moment, some eleven hours after the hearing, I am primarily aware of my feelings of disgust, anger and shock.
One of the unfortunate aspects of the legacy of the trauma I experienced as a child was my development of unhealthy boundaries. The way I learned to allow people to enter my life was distorted by unhealthy modeling of boundaries by those closest to me during the earliest years of my life. When children grow up in an environment with inappropriate boundaries it can be very difficult for them to learn how to create and live with healthy boundaries as adults. The healing journey I have undertaken these last three years has led me to develop some rich wisdom. One tidbit from that store of hard fought wisdom is my conviction that unhealthy boundaries are often (but not necessarily always) a sign of early abuse, neglect or some other dysfunction.
I am sitting at home as I compose my reflections for the day. It's going to take me a bit of time to process what I learned today. Despite my feelings of disgust and betrayal I will not allow how I feel now to stop me from going out and enjoying the world around me.
I will do more than survive. I will thrive. It is a vow I make to myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment
I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!