Saturday, December 28, 2013
It's almost amusing to me when I think back to this past June and how much was inside me that needed attention. Before once again embarking on a therapeutic journey my mind and body were overflowing with issues that needed attention. Many of the issues derived from my early life history (what I will call the ages of birth to 10 YOA) in which multiple traumas impacted my development and laid the foundation for what would eventually become a persistent anxiety disorder. Despite multiple rounds of talk therapy and medication my problems would always seem to resurface later. The context of the outer world might change (what I was doing for work, where I was living, etc) but the unresolved pain within me seemed to effortlessly magnetize to me the same types of problems. Then I discovered EMDR.
I think it important to note that I first heard about EMDR while living on the West Coast in 2011. I was seeing a therapist and doing talk therapy. He recommended I consider pursuing some therapy that would specifically feature EMDR. I filed the suggestion in my memory and eventually relocated to the East Coast to pursue an internship with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration in Silver Spring, Maryland. I put myself through a lot of needless suffering while living in Washington, D.C. I didn't really care for the energetic vibe of the place. And outside of my internship I worked in a low paying fundraising position that caused me more stress than it was worth. I was walking around with a condition that was better diagnosed as PTSD and still not even aware of it despite all my past therapy.
I have already written repeatedly about how much EMDR transformed my life. I stand by that statement and grow only more firm in my belief as time passes and I continue to heal. I have some questions I still have not posed to my therapist due to the fact that there has been so much to work through since I began working with him six months ago. One primary question I have is this: does the brain start to naturally heal itself of the imprint of traumatic memories after a certain amount of EMDR therapy such that the process continues to unfold without a need for more EMDR oriented sessions? I have wondered about this because my healing process now seems to have its own momentum. I often feel as if my own brain now works in a way it never has before. I cannot ever recall feeling so mentally sharp, physically healthy and optimistic as I do now. It is not a familiar feeling.
As I continue to purge my brain of the harm I experienced in the past I am undertaking a simultaneous process to organize, simplify and de-clutter my 'outer' life. I have made the decision to resign from the chorus I began singing in nearly a year ago. As a means of closing that chapter of my life I will be writing a letter of resignation in which I will provide my own input on my experience of the organization. Such input is supposedly 'welcome' according to the text of the bylaws of the organization (which I reviewed yesterday). Just as I have utilized this blog to clear out my own past history and find a way to heal so will I again use writing to address this one particular association which now no longer serves my greatest good.
We are in the 'pit' of winter now. After a brief thaw yesterday and today temperatures will plunge below 0F for several days. There is an indiscernible growth in the length of the days nearly a week after the Winter Solstice. And yet despite these harsh conditions outside I feel so full of life inside.
Each day when I awaken now I ask myself: What is possible today? What is possible in my life? I have a feeling 2014 will be an amazing year!
It's almost amusing to me when I think back to this past June and how much was inside me that needed attention. Before once again embarking on a therapeutic journey my mind and body were overflowing with issues that needed attention. Many of the issues derived from my early life history (what I will call the ages of birth to 10 YOA) in which multiple traumas impacted my development and laid the foundation for what would eventually become a persistent anxiety disorder. Despite multiple rounds of talk therapy and medication my problems would always seem to resurface later. The context of the outer world might change (what I was doing for work, where I was living, etc) but the unresolved pain within me seemed to effortlessly magnetize to me the same types of problems. Then I discovered EMDR.
I think it important to note that I first heard about EMDR while living on the West Coast in 2011. I was seeing a therapist and doing talk therapy. He recommended I consider pursuing some therapy that would specifically feature EMDR. I filed the suggestion in my memory and eventually relocated to the East Coast to pursue an internship with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration in Silver Spring, Maryland. I put myself through a lot of needless suffering while living in Washington, D.C. I didn't really care for the energetic vibe of the place. And outside of my internship I worked in a low paying fundraising position that caused me more stress than it was worth. I was walking around with a condition that was better diagnosed as PTSD and still not even aware of it despite all my past therapy.
I have already written repeatedly about how much EMDR transformed my life. I stand by that statement and grow only more firm in my belief as time passes and I continue to heal. I have some questions I still have not posed to my therapist due to the fact that there has been so much to work through since I began working with him six months ago. One primary question I have is this: does the brain start to naturally heal itself of the imprint of traumatic memories after a certain amount of EMDR therapy such that the process continues to unfold without a need for more EMDR oriented sessions? I have wondered about this because my healing process now seems to have its own momentum. I often feel as if my own brain now works in a way it never has before. I cannot ever recall feeling so mentally sharp, physically healthy and optimistic as I do now. It is not a familiar feeling.
As I continue to purge my brain of the harm I experienced in the past I am undertaking a simultaneous process to organize, simplify and de-clutter my 'outer' life. I have made the decision to resign from the chorus I began singing in nearly a year ago. As a means of closing that chapter of my life I will be writing a letter of resignation in which I will provide my own input on my experience of the organization. Such input is supposedly 'welcome' according to the text of the bylaws of the organization (which I reviewed yesterday). Just as I have utilized this blog to clear out my own past history and find a way to heal so will I again use writing to address this one particular association which now no longer serves my greatest good.
We are in the 'pit' of winter now. After a brief thaw yesterday and today temperatures will plunge below 0F for several days. There is an indiscernible growth in the length of the days nearly a week after the Winter Solstice. And yet despite these harsh conditions outside I feel so full of life inside.
Each day when I awaken now I ask myself: What is possible today? What is possible in my life? I have a feeling 2014 will be an amazing year!
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!