Thursday, September 8, 2016
My life has changed immensely since I last wrote an entry in my blog.
I feel myself quite full of a whole range of emotions these last several days. I have returned to my last "port of call" that I called home prior to moving to Minnesota. I am now back in Washington, DC. This was not *the* grand plan I had in mind earlier this year. Indeed, I tried to chart a path in a new direction that could have taken me to Hawaii or back to California. But every door of opportunity I knocked on (with the exception of the last one) did not open.
The process of finding a workable path back into my field of marine conservation and research was a demanding one. It is sometimes said that finding a job is a full time job. I tend to agree. I spent plenty of time this past summer looking at job opportunities, preparing applications and then, eventually, doing interviews. And as recently as one week ago I still had no opportunity offered to me to draw me out of Minnesota. Last Thursday I found myself wondering if I would ever be offered an opportunity elsewhere.
The last few days of August were indeed agonizing. I found myself recalling the movie Cast Away. I have shared my reflections related to the movie elsewhere in my blog. My own life felt much like that scene in the movie where Tom Hanks' character has given up ever successfully escaping his exile on a small island in the South Pacific. I felt so sad and so weary of trying to create a new beginning. And then it happened. Last Friday, September 2nd came and went. And my life changed forever on that day. Much like Hanks' character finally finding redemption through his rescue by a passing ship I finally was presented with a door of opportunity that actually opened to me.
In the mere six intervening days I successfully found my way back to Washington, DC. I can now set up a life that will be one I want. It's strange to be back. I am not the same man I was. I sit in the home of a friend (whom I first met four years ago) as I type and I cannot help but recall the man I was four years ago who stayed in this very same home...and who was so very different. That man I was four years ago thought he had done sufficient work to heal the harm he experienced as a child. But such was not the truth. I discovered the truth of my reality when I made a choice that changed my life. I explored the inner terrain of my psyche like never before while living in Minnesota. This was not something I had planned to do.
Now I am back to where I was before. I cannot imagine who I would be had I stayed living in DC this entire time. I do not want to imagine who I might be now. I am a much better man as a result of what I experienced these last four years.
I am opening a new chapter in my life now. And as I open a new chapter it is clear the founding primary purpose of my blog has now expired. What will happen next I cannot yet easily discern. This is a question that so many unlived tomorrows will gradually begin to answer. As for today I am happy. I am happy that I have survived. I am happy that I have grown and matured. I am happy that the dark suffering I experienced eventually served as a doorway to a much brighter tomorrow.
That tomorrow is finally...today.
My life has changed immensely since I last wrote an entry in my blog.
I feel myself quite full of a whole range of emotions these last several days. I have returned to my last "port of call" that I called home prior to moving to Minnesota. I am now back in Washington, DC. This was not *the* grand plan I had in mind earlier this year. Indeed, I tried to chart a path in a new direction that could have taken me to Hawaii or back to California. But every door of opportunity I knocked on (with the exception of the last one) did not open.
The process of finding a workable path back into my field of marine conservation and research was a demanding one. It is sometimes said that finding a job is a full time job. I tend to agree. I spent plenty of time this past summer looking at job opportunities, preparing applications and then, eventually, doing interviews. And as recently as one week ago I still had no opportunity offered to me to draw me out of Minnesota. Last Thursday I found myself wondering if I would ever be offered an opportunity elsewhere.
The last few days of August were indeed agonizing. I found myself recalling the movie Cast Away. I have shared my reflections related to the movie elsewhere in my blog. My own life felt much like that scene in the movie where Tom Hanks' character has given up ever successfully escaping his exile on a small island in the South Pacific. I felt so sad and so weary of trying to create a new beginning. And then it happened. Last Friday, September 2nd came and went. And my life changed forever on that day. Much like Hanks' character finally finding redemption through his rescue by a passing ship I finally was presented with a door of opportunity that actually opened to me.
In the mere six intervening days I successfully found my way back to Washington, DC. I can now set up a life that will be one I want. It's strange to be back. I am not the same man I was. I sit in the home of a friend (whom I first met four years ago) as I type and I cannot help but recall the man I was four years ago who stayed in this very same home...and who was so very different. That man I was four years ago thought he had done sufficient work to heal the harm he experienced as a child. But such was not the truth. I discovered the truth of my reality when I made a choice that changed my life. I explored the inner terrain of my psyche like never before while living in Minnesota. This was not something I had planned to do.
Now I am back to where I was before. I cannot imagine who I would be had I stayed living in DC this entire time. I do not want to imagine who I might be now. I am a much better man as a result of what I experienced these last four years.
I am opening a new chapter in my life now. And as I open a new chapter it is clear the founding primary purpose of my blog has now expired. What will happen next I cannot yet easily discern. This is a question that so many unlived tomorrows will gradually begin to answer. As for today I am happy. I am happy that I have survived. I am happy that I have grown and matured. I am happy that the dark suffering I experienced eventually served as a doorway to a much brighter tomorrow.
That tomorrow is finally...today.
Hey Bernd, Good to see you writing your story - Had no idea you are in to things marine and you know EMDR - another modality I have found useful on my journey is Rosen Method Body Work - Trust you will find rest and companionship there back in DC in a good way - bis bald
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