Freedom from the Past

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

What a restorative day I have lived thus far!  I went to my first cranial sacral therapy appointment this morning at Hennepin County Medical Center’s Parkside Alternative Medicine Clinic.  It was about 0 F this morning as I made my way to my appointment and yet somehow the cold and darkness did not really phase me.  I sense this alone is a significant indicator that I am improving each and every day.

I felt much more relaxed when my appointment ended.  I look forward to returning on Thursday of this week.

I later attended a weekly breath of love class offered at Pathways.  As I lay on the floor and consciously focused on breathing I could feel myself touching into my awareness that I am healing from a longstanding anxiety disorder.  It still feels so amazing and weird to be back in my body and fully present in the moment.  As I allowed myself to focus my attention on my realization that I had been walking around with an anxiety disorder for so long I could also feel all these other feelings related to that awareness.  I could feel the sadness and pain I have felt as I have awoken to this reality.  I could feel the deep grief of realizing I have been walking around with a deep buffer of body armor and not even fully aware of it.  Being so anxious for so long took such an immense toll on my psyche.  But I am finally aware of it and now healing in a much deeper way.

During the class at Pathways the topic of Ho’oponopono came up.  It seems it is finding me wherever I go.  I could not help but recall the very first days after I read a book about this amazing Hawaiian healing art.  I read the book earlier this year but it somehow feels like many, many years ago that I read it.  I found myself drifting back to memories of how I came to firmly believe in the legitimacy of this amazing gift to the world.  I might have to ‘study up’ on this art once again.

I just stepped out of my follow up appointment at Abbott Northwestern Hospital.  The results of the battery of tests I took last week were great.  There was nothing of any concern outside of the score for the MMPI questionnaire section focused on family of origin.  And this was not surprising considering that my family of origin and the traumas I experienced while growing up are essentially (apparently) the sole cause of the difficulties with anxiety and anger I have experienced throughout my life.

Having completed checking my head for potential brain injury I now feel much more free to move forward.  I have screened all the major systems of my body in the last five months.  I thus am only left to work with my psychotherapist regarding my family of origin issues.  I feel so much better!