Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Today I found myself contemplating what my life can be like without the burden of weighty anger. During the outpatient program this morning (which I attend four mornings a week) I acknowledged the quiet discovery I made yesterday that my ancient anger from the wounding of my childhood trauma is no longer present. I looked within myself and realized this yesterday.
My sadness remains. I have been contemplating making a new agreement with myself regarding how I will acknowledge and honor my sadness. I do not wish to have my sadness rule my life. I believe my life can be rewarding, productive, enjoyable and full of love. But I believe it might be realistic to expect that my sadness will linger a very long time. So I imagine setting aside a piece of my heart where the sadness can always have a home. I do not need to make space in my entire heart for my sadness. I will instead allow a portion of my heart to be home to my sadness.
Sometimes I find myself feeling a bit bored during the morning program. This in no way should be construed to be a judgment against the quality of the program itself. While doing some coloring and doodling this morning I wrote down something that inspired me:
"Be the star of your own coloring book"
As the season of winter begins to fade away and the sap rises up within the trees in preparation for spring I find myself wanting to go outside and magically color the world with my own box of magic crayons. I cannot make spring magically come to be but I can choose to be the star of my own world. I want to create my own colorful, vibrant life and world.
Today I found myself contemplating what my life can be like without the burden of weighty anger. During the outpatient program this morning (which I attend four mornings a week) I acknowledged the quiet discovery I made yesterday that my ancient anger from the wounding of my childhood trauma is no longer present. I looked within myself and realized this yesterday.
My sadness remains. I have been contemplating making a new agreement with myself regarding how I will acknowledge and honor my sadness. I do not wish to have my sadness rule my life. I believe my life can be rewarding, productive, enjoyable and full of love. But I believe it might be realistic to expect that my sadness will linger a very long time. So I imagine setting aside a piece of my heart where the sadness can always have a home. I do not need to make space in my entire heart for my sadness. I will instead allow a portion of my heart to be home to my sadness.
Sometimes I find myself feeling a bit bored during the morning program. This in no way should be construed to be a judgment against the quality of the program itself. While doing some coloring and doodling this morning I wrote down something that inspired me:
"Be the star of your own coloring book"
As the season of winter begins to fade away and the sap rises up within the trees in preparation for spring I find myself wanting to go outside and magically color the world with my own box of magic crayons. I cannot make spring magically come to be but I can choose to be the star of my own world. I want to create my own colorful, vibrant life and world.
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