Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Yesterday I began a brief survey of six potential indicators
for a new term proposed by Judith Herman of Harvard University. That term is ‘Complex PTSD’. Today I will discuss the second of
those six potential indicators.
This one is consciousness.
According to the National Center for PTSD problems with
consciousness may be noted in the following ways:
- Forgetting traumatic events
- Reliving traumatic events
- Having episodes in which one feels detached from one's mental processes or body (dissociation)
When I began therapy last year I had no idea how efficient I
had become in practicing the coping skill of dissociation. EMDR therapy and regular consistent
work with my therapist helped me to develop a newfound appreciation for just
how often I was unknowingly dissociating.
As I gradually emerged from this unconscious pattern I often felt as if
I was awakening from a very long and unpleasant dream. Even now, sixteen months later, I still
find myself stopping in my tracks on occasion and simply witnessing the beauty
of the world around me. It seems I
awoke from a persistent tendency to dissociate after practicing it off and on
over the course of nearly three decades.
Forgetting traumatic events is a coping mechanism I find
perfectly understandable. When a
person becomes overwhelmed by a situation in which his very life is threatened
I think it is only natural that some loss of memory of the incident might
occur. Forgetting events (at least
for some amount of time after they occur) can allow a person to protect his
psyche until the environment around him becomes safe again. Once such safety is reestablished a
person can then begin to open back up to the world and allow the pain, fear and
anxiety previously experienced to come more fully into conscious awareness.
I had developed a tendency to dissociate as a means of
coping. As my own therapy has
progressed I have come to more deeply appreciate how I lived in a persistently
heightened state of anxiety for many, many years. This insight was long in the making. It was as if each therapy session were
the equivalent of adding a step to a ladder or stairwell. Eventually I laid enough steps in place
that I could gain an elevated perspective on my life and truly begin to see how
what I had experienced had affected me.
I essentially developed a ‘bird’s eye view’ of my life.
My growing clarity regarding how much anxiety I felt
throughout my childhood initially left me feeling consumed in a fresh wave of
pain and grief. But eventually the
benefit of the insight began to encourage me more than it burdened me. I believe the consequences of clarity
can, ironically, sometimes leave people feeling even worse when they are first
in therapy as compared to that time in their lives immediately before they seek
out help. I believe it is not
uncommon to have an initial feeling of euphoria when a person first enters
treatment. The mere
acknowledgement that something is simply not working in life is a first and
vital step to healing. But I think
most of us subsequently experience a ‘psychic dip’ as the full scope of what
real recovery and restoration of our health will require of us begins to become
exceedingly clear. It thus doesn’t
surprise me when some people abandon their commitment to restoring their lives
when the initial euphoria disappears.
Post Script
Fifty Day Challenge, Day #19
Healthy activities today:
- I went to visit my chiropractor
- I am going to sit in the sauna at the gym
- I am going to remind myself of that which is good and functional in my life to keep my attitude positive
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!