When Frustration Consumes You

Friday, December 12, 2014

I have been feeling frustrated lately.  It's unfortunate I feel this way considering how much energy I have been devoting to my own personal growth and healing process.  Perhaps it is time for me to do the equivalent of pull off the highway and pause at a rest stop.  I feel so extraordinarily weary of not being chosen for opportunities I apply for.  And my sex life is also much less than I want it to be.  I try to be grateful for what I have but lately I struggle to not be even more aware of what I do not have.

I learned today that my application to the Nancy Foster Scholarship Program will likely be disqualified due to a minor error in which one of my recommendation letters lacks a signature of the recommender.  I haven't received confirmation that my application has been disqualified.  I would guess that might occur in the coming weeks.

I meanwhile must await the announcement of a local judge's decision regarding unemployment benefits which I received in 2013 and 2014.

It seems like my life is an immense waiting game these days.

Turning my attention to what is positive in my life is an important means of distracting myself from that which I find discouraging.  So here it what is good in my life:

• I now have a good and recent reference within the University of Minnesota system.
• My feet are generally feeling better.
• I went to see my primary care doctor this morning.  My second blood pressure reading was fairly good.
• I have resumed my active regimen at the YMCA.
• I have a good network of care providers and helpers in place.  Hopefully their assistance will help me to finally move beyond the realm of mere survival and into the desirable realm of thriving.

I am traveling to Chicago this weekend to attend a special leather event.  That is the most exciting upcoming event I have to look forward to.

In ten days the Winter Solstice will arrive.  And then the light will begin to return.