When The Healing Is Deep

Thursday, January 14, 2016


My life is so relatively uneventful now that I feel I have little to share in my blog. Naturally this isn't true. I could try writing some poetry or make time sharing my impressions of a singular piece of the world beyond my windows during this darkest and coldest time of the year.

I am excited that the shortest days of the year are now behind us. Spring will inevitably come. And when this spring comes I feel certain I will experience it in a profoundly different way.

I have been having this sensation in my body quite a bit lately that is exceedingly unfamiliar. I feel like I am calming down into a state of being I have rarely known in my life. I am learning how to relax and stretch into my life again. I am learning how to trust again.

I still go to therapy and plan to keep going until I relocate out of Minnesota later this year. There is a whole world of possibilities out there.

Frozen

Friday, January 8, 2016


Yes, I am indeed still alive.

I have written my blog for such a long period of time that I sometimes found myself feeling almost guilty this last week that I had not written a single entry for 2016 until now.

The brutal, cutting winds of winter are sweeping through the streets outside. This winter has been nothing like the one I experienced two years ago. But it is winter nonetheless. The world outside my windows is quiet. It is the time of dormancy. And I realize how much I want to live in another part of the world where dormancy does not define the outer world for essentially half the year.

My life felt dormant for far too long. Though I have been alive for decades the grief, fear and anger I experienced in my childhood did not completely thaw and melt away during my past forays into the realm of medicine. These last two and a half years have been a different story.

Grief. Fear. Anger. These and others were too long my guests. And they were frozen inside my very being. They lay as dormant as the fields of Minnesota on a long January night. But now they have finally melted.

I have been coping with nausea and reflux for several weeks now. I obviously need to make some modifications to my diet. I also feel the need to develop a new relationship with the diet of information I take in each day.

...

I feel fairly good much of the time now.

I long for a time where I will enjoy a place not defined by a long dormancy in the outer world.

This will be a year of significant change in my life.